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File: 1659903944992.jpg (24.58 KB, 548x469, epxNbHr.jpg)


>be me, 20 yo male uni student
>meet a girl at a lab, has "kind" eyes and a generally kind disposition
>keeps asking me for help for our labs and other work, help her as I do anyone else who asks me for help
>one day, we go out for lunch after class, develop a crush on her, ask her out a week later in a public space in broad daylight where she can easily say no
>agrees to go on a date, feelsokayman.jpg
>see her at school a few days later, completely ignores me when I try to talk to her, runs past me after class
>feel like I was punched in the gut, my other female friends tell me she might be thinking about it
>when it happens again a few days later, I text her telling her she seems uncomfortable and doesn't have to date me if she doesn't want to, she agrees
>feel a bit sad but I don't take rejection personally, leave her alone because I don't want to make her uncomfortable
>a few days later she comes up to me during lunch to say hi, I offer her the seat beside me as there are no other empty seats in the lunch area
>mostly just stay quiet as I continue working on my laptop, she offers to help me when she figures out I'm stuck on part of my lab
>accept the help, feel good that I didn't lose a friend entirely

>december break and covid leave me stuck at home for 1.5 months, don't really talk to her or see her

>winter semester starts, she asks me to join her lab group for a course we're taking together, I agree, we left off on decent terms
>we spend a lot of time together during the winter semester, talking to each other and sitting beside each other throughout class, work together on labs late at night, go out for dinner and lunch a bunch of times after school


[cont 1/2]>she usually asks me to hang, usually 1 on 1, we talk about philosophy, psychology, games we're both interested in, etc
>I know she doesn't like me, she talks to me about her dates sometimes so I keep everything strictly platonic
>we talk to each other about our troubles sometimes, she offers to listen to me and I often listen to her
>sometimes when she can't sleep in the middle of the night she'll send me memes or whatever, feels good that she feels safe around me
>school ends for the summer break, she offers to hug me - it's the first hug I've got from anyone in 8 months
>we go on our separate ways for our summer internships, can only contact each other online
>she was always a bit of a bad texter, but our main mode of communication now is text, I bring it up to her one day saying how it's a bit difficult to converse with her over text sometimes
>I say "sometimes it feels like I'm talking to a wall" just to show her how I feel.
>she feels a bit offended and I apologize for being a bit too crude with how I worded things, we talk a bit a couple of hours later and everything seems fine, she shows me some food she's cooked and how she'll make some for me when we see each other again
>I talk to her again a week later, no response
>she doesn't talk to me for 2 months
>I reply to one of her stories on IG, ask her if everything is alright (maybe I was cruel?), no response
>A little later I tell her I can take a hint and ask her not to ghost people in the future
>she responds a few days later with an apology but it feels very robotic and not her usual cadence, implies she doesn't want me in her life


[cont 2/2]

I feel disposed, unvalued, disrespected. This isn't the first time something like this has happened, I've been "disposed" of by friends of 6 months and friends of 6 years. I usually help those friends (not expecting anything back, just being a friend) with their physical health, mental health, school, etc and would say that we were good friends and/or close friends. But then, one day out of the blue something small happens (a disagreement, miscommunication, etc) and I get thrown away like I mean nothing to them. I generally try to work through things with people because I understand we're flawed and can make mistakes, but it seems like no one does the same for me. Why?

I'm not too nice nor am I an asshole, I go out of my way for others but I also have a spine and am not a people pleaser. I'm 6' 3", athletic, not entirely stupid, deep voice, more confident than most people I know, etc. I am a bit more on the uglier side but I shower regularly and make sure my clothes are always clean. I have nice hair and only had some mild acne issues. I'm the opposite of needy, in fact some people might consider me cold or callous. The main way I show people I care for them is through actions i.e. I'll get a coffee for them in the morning or I'll give them a small gift that I know they'll like, but I'm generally quiet and can keep to myself for days. Why am I so consistently disposable?


File: 1659904514063.jpg (331.83 KB, 473x584, RDT_20220804_2301197579238….jpg)

Anon, she wasn't a friend. She was unsure and still didn't have the confidence (she was insecure about her desicision) to coldly reject you, so she subconsciously distanced herself in steps. Of course in the end she wanted an excuse to ghost you.

Don't take it personally. It's completely on her.


If she wanted to distance herself from me, why try to hang out with me and talk to me more often? I rarely initiated, she usually did. And why does this happen with so many of my friends that I consider to be good friends?


This all happened a while after she turned me down too, not before


File: 1659905702892.png (329.69 KB, 500x387, 51D9A67C-3376-4E44-8AAE-9E….png)

It was all subconscious. Her rational self wanted to stay, but the proposal put strain on the relationship and she finally caved in to it.

Don’t overthink it. Humans are complicated, and there are plenty of other people out there.


Hmm, maybe you're right. I don't know how I should treat her when I inevitably see her again


Just pretend you didn't notice her, what happened to you also happened to me, I just memory hole'd her from existence in my case. People have more important things to care about.


Perhaps she's involved with someone else and is trying to extricate herself from what she sees as an awkward relationship?
Plus, I learned the hard way that being smooth with people gets you more results than being straight up blunt.
I've had people tell me since I was a kid that I was one nasty, rude young man but since I got into uni and read Robert Greene and Dale Carnegie, I realised flattery rubs the sweet spot for most people.
Tl;dr: Try to be more subtle when pointing out flaws and chip in a word or two of flattery in conversations.
Also if you're well off you could send her something nice. A book or a string of pearls.
Good luck, Anon!


Anon I used to be like you. I think you are a normal guy who overthinks things due to insecurity/lack of experience and you are a little socially awkward around women. Nothing wrong with any of that.

I don't think you ever had a chance with this girl. I think she knew you liked her so she kept you around for lab help and attention/validation. She leaned on you for emotional support and relief from boredom. She tried to turn you into a beta orbiter but you weren't happy with that role.

Next time you need to look out for clear indicators of interest when talking to girls. Brushing their hair, laughing at everything you say, hitting you playfully, etc. Some girls do this to every guy to lead them on so you have to be careful and test them (this is a whole art of its own) to see if they actually like you or just want attention.

The fact of the matter is that it's a GAME when you talk to women. It's no fun if you just admit you like the girl, game is over at that point. It's a push and pull. That tension builds attraction. There are times when you need to stop chasing her and let her chase you. That initial game phase creates an emotional imprint on a woman's mind that she can reminisce about until she's old and grey.

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